Relationships are always worth restoring. If you want God's blessing on your life and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker.
Because you were formed to be a part of God's family and the second purpose of your life on earth is to learn how to love and relate to others, peacemaking is one of the most important skills you can develop. Unfortunately, most of us were never taught how to resolve conflict.
Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict. Running from a problem, pretending it doesn't exist, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, was never afraid of conflict. On occasion he provoked it for the good of everyone. Sometimes we need to avoid conflict, sometimes we need to create it, and sometimes we need to resolve it. That's why we must pray for the Holy Spirit's continual guidance.
HOW TO RESTORE A RELATIONSHIP
Talk to God before talking to the person. Discuss the problem with God. If you will pray about the conflict first instead of gossiping to a friend, you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help. All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them.
Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone-a friend, spouse, boss, or family member-to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God.
Always take the initiative. It doesn't matter whether you are the offender or the offended: God expects you to make the first move. Don't wait for the other party. Go to them first. Restoring broken fellowship is so important, Jesus commanded that it even takes priority over group worship. He said, "If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.'
Sympathize with their feelings. Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to people's feelings. Paul advised, "Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own."
Don't try to talk people out of how they feel at first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. Nod that you understand even when you don't agree. Feelings are not always true or logical.
To restore fellowship "we must bear the `burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.... Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good." It is a sacrifice to patiently absorb the anger of others, especially if it's unfounded.
Confess your part of the conflict. If you are serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin.
Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. When you begin by humbly admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person's anger and disarms their attack because they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Don't make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
Attack the problem, not the person. You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame.
In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively, it will be received defensively.
In resolving conflict,how you say it is as important as what you say.
Relationships are always worth restoring.
Verse to Remember: "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody."
Romans 12:18 (TEV)