I won't be able to send you this letter and you won't be able to read this but I'm making this because tomorrow is your birthday and I still think of you. I badly want to know how months without me has been. Are you happy now? Are you even satisfied? Is everything worth it? I hope it is. I hope you are genuinely happy. I hope things are working out for you and the odds are in your favor.
If ever there's that one in a million chance you're wondering how I am and how I've been, I want to let you know that I'm okay. But three months without you has been a pure struggle. For the past months, I made drastic changes, enormous changes that I thought I couldn't make. Thanks to the people who picked me up when you left me at rock bottom. I'm still not fully over you. And if you ask me, I know deep inside, I'm still far from over you. Don't worry though, it's my choice to stay even after you left. You see, I'm the girl who stayed.
I still wonder if you are okay. If you're still suffering daily from your poor eyesight. If you still take your vitamins on time. If you're drinking lots of water without someone to remind you or if you're getting enough sleep despite of your busy schedule. Are you coping well with the big changes in your life right now? I genuinely hope you are okay. I can see that you are working on a better version of you and I hope you're proud because I am, my love. You are now enjoying the world beneath your sight.
Many times in the past month, I tried my best not to think of you, not to stalk your social media accounts, not to check if you uploaded a new pictures on your facebook account, and not to re-read your old text messages. But you know what? Every time I make baby steps, it all comes right back to me and I can't do anything but continue to try and make those baby steps work because you left me with no choice.
I still miss you. I miss the way you show how much your cared for me. I miss the way you're expressing your love in your own little ways. I miss your voice. I miss the whole you. Actually, I miss everything about you, E. But a New Year is coming up and I know I can do this without you, without our dreams, without us but some part of me still hope that you'll eventually coming back home to me. Crazy, I know. When will waiting be worth it? When will time be right for us? How does distance makes it so hard for you and me to reach for each other's hands, to hold me in your arms, and to kiss me good morning and good night?
Even though you hurt me, I still want to thank you. Thank you for the memories, good and bad, and like what I'm always saying I'll be forever grateful for that. For now, let's just grow individually and maybe, just maybe, if the right time comes and we find our way back to each other, I'll prove to you that this girl, whose writing a letter for you, could be the best person you'll ever have in your life.
If it's going to happen, it'll happen, right? Until then, I'll wait for God's right timing. I'll wait for my hopes to come true. I'll wait for that happy ending love story with you. I'll wait for you. I'll wait for us. I'll wait 'til distance gives way. I'll be patient. I'll be patient because I'm more than sure that I want to spend my life with you. Happy Birthday, E!