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Please forgive my words, please forgive me baby, this someone who loves you...

10/29/2012

 
''Isn't it amazing how a person who was once just a stranger, suddenly meant the world to you''?    

After I was hurt all those times, I promised I would take caution the next time I would fall in love with. And then you came along, I didn’t notice right away, But I loved you in every way, I realized you cant stop yourself from falling, you can't make yourself not love, because you don’t control yourself, your heart does. It’s something about you that made my heart skip a beat. The first time I started talking to you, I wasn’t aware that we had this chemistry that was off the charts. We clicked instantly. It was like we’re soul mates, waiting to be discovered. :) Because of you, I was able to erase any trace of past heart breaks. I really appreciate your company, because with you I'm different. With you, I'm happy. Really! I keep telling myself that maybe you're the one that I've been waiting been longing for but why did things turn exactly opposite to what it supposed to be? Why does it hurts so bad? I know it's just a short period of time but boy! You mean more to me than you'll ever know. I'm start hating myself! Maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about. Just everything that I ever wanted.. I'm sure to myself that you're the only guy that I love like this. I don't wanna lose you even though I don't even own you. There are times that I want to let you go, but sometimes I wouldn’t want to let you go. Sorry for being selfish. Even though my heart was hurting, it’s my mistake for not letting you go. Please forgive my words, please forgive me, this someone who loves you… I always said to myself that I badly need to let you go that maybe... just maybe we're really not meant for each other but every time I do the weaker I feel. You're the reason why all in the midst of pain I love. I'm not strong enough for myself. I'm not strong enough to let you go. Maybe you'll think I'm so pathetic, masochist, martyr but hell I don't care! Without you here, it’s so consuming. I need you. I badly need you. Do you know how many fvcking times I've cried for you? There were times that I felt like Im going to collapse so I try to hold on again. I said I'd never let you go, and I never did. I don't want to tell myself that I am hurt, but I am and no matter how much I want to deny it, I just can't. Baby, I need you. Only you :(  Even if it hurts, Even if you make me cry, I LOVE YOU. I LESS THAN YOU. I don't wanna lose you. 

I'm sorry I constantly want to talk to you. . I'm sorry if I say things that might piss you off. I'm sorry if I come off as annoying. I'm sorry if you don't wanna talk to me as much as I wanna talk to you. I'm sorry if I think about you too much and too often. I'm sorry if I come off as being clingy, but its just me missing you. If only I could turn back the time I will go back to the month when we first discover each other :p I always pray real hard that in God's perfect time we can fix everything right and I'm hoping that someday we can be together. It's not a silly little moment, It's not the storm before the calm. This is the deep and dying breath of this love that I've been working on. I know I'm hoping against hope but I really do trust you baby. =)

Keep in your mind that No, I'm not going to lose feelings. No, I'm not going to find someone better. No, I'm not going to cheat on you. And No, I'm not going to leave you. I've already made up my mind, I want and need you only you. No one else .. because to me you're my kind of perfect. Come back to me and tell me that everything's alright. Please?
I must have done something right to deserve you in my life. I guess? :) but whatever happen to us, you will always have a place in my heart. You know that my love is on your side right? Always. Don't forget that baby :) 
Still, I less than YOU. 

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    Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life, O Lord. Psalm 138:7

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    She could rebuild herself. She was determined to rebuild herself  and be a better person. She would rise from the ashes and be stronger. 
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