We're scarred but our scars don't make us ugly. The ones on the inside are ugly. The scars within. Those are the painful, ugly ones.
'Feeling the tension, feeling the stress i have got a notion i want to confess...'
I kept grasping at nothing. Ideas and fantasies slipped right through my fingers, because they weren’t real and we very much were. The past is a painful place that can steal me for days. I know, and I have suffered, and I don’t need more suffering from everybody else. These are the traces in my emotions, what people think they understand but they can’t. It is the most terrifying, the kind that does not leave me for a long time. And even if I survived, I’ll never be the same again. I don't believe in myself anymore, but I pray that during those time you believed in me.
The trick is not how much pain you feel - but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses.
I was reading a story about a tragic tale of a boy who was wronged by the world and who just couldn't handle it. Oh boy, what an awesome story. I cried a buckets while reading his journal. You can never trust a person who wears an invisible mask on their face. That person can be a possible liar, a hypocrite, a murderer, a future dictator.. but it can be also a person who doesn't have anything left. Who can't find a way to escape. Who doesn't have a reason to move on. That boy, he'd been through a lot and I can't imagine how life gave him so much pain. He surely didn't deserved any of it. Stupid homophobic parents, butthead bullies, pushover friends and a freaking pathetic boyfriend. Tell me, who wouldn't give up with that agonizing situation? I wish I could sync myself in that story so that I could help him. I wanted to help him. I could see how much he craved for attention and just a little love, just a tiny piece of it but even his parents couldn't give it to him just because of the situation he couldn't control? Some parents they were, huh? He wrecked his life for some boy who just played with him. Faggot. He thought, that's all he was anymore. A faggot to his parents, a nobody to his friends. A pathetic boy to the one he loved. I just... couldn't bring myself to think how badly life gave him so much pain. Let's say, he didn't killed his own life, then what will happen? How the fvck will he cope? Being endlessly bullied at school and then going home to a parents who doesn't give a shit about him? And most especially, being hopelessly in love with the boy he thought was also in love with him but it turns how he's just a past time with him. That was too much. I know he's just a fictional character but dear God, I want to hug him and let him know that everything will be okay. He'll be okay.
What if there's actually a real life people who're also experiencing the way this boy unfortunately experienced? What if they thought killing themselves like this boy did was the only way to stop the agony? Oh God, please help them. They don't deserve any of life bullshits just because of the situation out of their control. People aren't good and I couldn't believe how someone can be so happy with the thought of hurting others. How can someone revel in the other's tears and cries? How can someone love to torture the weaker and laugh at their fave when they beg for mercy, to be spared? Enjoying in someone's pain and doing anything to make that person feel worthless is sick. :( This story touched me deeply I still can't believe he took his own life. All hell break loose faster than the speed of light. He would never grow up. He would never go to college, make new friends or get married someday. He would never grow up. He would stay a 17 year old boy for the rest of eternity. What's the point of going to some funeral to show that you indeed care about him? He would never know that he's not alone anymore. Never. Again. That's the sad fact in life. What if, was the hardest part. Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?