I’m alive and well, realizing how eternally grateful I am for everything going on in my life day by day... Its a lot like learning to walk - at least, that’s how I’d like to think of it. We’ve all been there, so I won’t waste your time painting a pretty picture of how it all goes down. I want to talk about other things. I am opening myself up, as much as possible, to anyone who may be interested. All I ask is that whoever you may be, wherever you may be, understand that I am only human - two hands, ten fingers, and a life. I’m just not that good at keeping up with reality, let alone a virtual one. I will, however, try harder from now on. To all my good friends, the ones I should talk to more often, the ones I left back home, the ones I will never stop loving, thank you for still hugging me when I come home. I know I don’t always show it, but I’m forever indebted to you all for everything you’ve ever done for me. That brings me to my second point. The closest friends you’ll ever have are the ones you’d take a bullet for, but they’re the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well. ;) Think about that one. That’s it for now. Have a rockin' new year y’all! :) 

Hopefully, I won’t stop midway through because knowing myself, I would probably be too lazy to even continue the 3rd day but I’m determined to finish this. Plus I’m also doing the 365 picture project. One picture for one day plus one description. I don’t think I’m going to last but it’s worth a try. You see, I’m keeping myself busy this year, busy with things that actually matter, things that would make an impact and improve my nonexistent skills. For 2014 I’m going to be productive.

Day 1: hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days with a picture of yourself
Day 2: something that’s illegal but you think it should be legal
Day 3: what you think your reason for being here is
Day 4: how you think your life would change if you achieved your dream
Day 5: something you would change about the world
Day 6: something you would like to change about yourself
Day 7: a show or a movie that has changed you, and how
Day 8: things that make you sad
Day 9: things that make you happy
Day 10: what you think when you hear the words “be yourself”
Day 11: the worst advice you’ve ever heard, or ever been given
Day 12: the best advice you’ve ever heard, or ever been given
Day 13: your favorite quote
Day 14: write about something you believe in, anything at all
Day 15: a song that makes you cry and why


Day 16: someone you trust
Day 17: your idol and why you look up to them
Day 18: why you made your blog, why you still have it
Day 19: your thoughts on your family
Day 20: what you think makes someone beautiful
Day 21: everything you wish for in a significant other
Day 22: how you judge intelligence
Day 23: a month/year of your life when you were happiest and why
Day 24: your favorite 10 people right now and why
Day 25: a friend you have lost that you’re better off without/one you wish you had back
Day 26: 5 things you’re looking forward to
Day 27: a person you wished lived closer and why
Day 28: something you makes you really angry
Day 29: a date you’d love for someone to take you on
Day 30: 5 favorite girls names, 5 favorite boys names
Day 31: a bit about your social life outside of wattpad, facebook and other sites
Day 32: whether you’d rather marry someone who’s rich but ugly, or poor but attractive
Day 33: someone who really hurt you
Day 34: your horoscope for today and whether you think it’s accurate
Day 35: words you live by, why do you like them
Day 36: what you think about your friends
Day 37: who are you
day 38: thoughts on your generation
day 39: wy you think you’ve learned more from the good or the bad
day 40: what are features you get complimented on a lot
day 41: write a letter to yourself stating all the things you love about yourself
day 42: your best friend just died, what is your reaction
day 43: is it possible to lie without saying a word
day 44: when is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just do what you know is right
day 45: when was the last time you tried something new
day 46: what makes you smile
day 47: is the truth always good to hear, why or why not
day 48: your life story in three words
day 49: are you a lover or a fighter
day 50: why you are doing this challenge
day 51: describe your future wedding
day 52: what is the most inspirational thing you’ve ever heard
day 52: if you didn’t have an age, how old would you think you were
day 53: your day, in great detail
day 54: your definition of love
day 55: a passage from a book that has touched you
day 56: something you did as a child that other people remember you for
day 57: what is your definition of happiness
day 58: places you want to visit, and why
day 59: one person you can tell everything to
day 60: a youtube video you absolutely love and describe why
day 61: one of your most prized possessions
day 62: describe your best friend completely
day 63: your views upon gay marriage
day 64: your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before, what do you do
day 65: one random fact about yourself
day 66: if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be
day 67: how you found out about tumblr, and why you made one
day 68: the best concert you have been to
day 69: powerful song lyrics you love
day 70: a celebrity you don’t necessarily enjoy, and why
day 71: differences between you and your best friend
day 72: list of everything you ate today
day 73: a movie you cried in
day 74: how would you describe your style of clothing
day 75: what is one of the best dreams you have ever had
day 76: how do you feel about going green
day 77: what gives you every day inspiration
day 78: would you rather people be honest with you, even if it’s something not good, or lie to you to make you feel good
day 79: why do you feel as though people judge others
day 80: one of your favorite childhood memories
day 81: what is your biggest fear
day 82: would you break the law to save a loved one
day 83: if you had to teach something, what would you teach
day 84: do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength
day 85: if you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be
day 86: what is the difference between living and existing
day 87: what are your views upon sex before marriage
day 88: does money equal happiness
day 89: are you self aware
day 90: write a letter to one of your close friends
day 91: name a book you read in school that wasn’t entirely awful
day 92: what have you learned just from attending your school
day 93: what about the opposite sex can you not understand
day 94: do you keep your thoughts to yourself
day 95: describe the weather occurring right now
day 96: what do you love the most about your grandparents
day 97: something you’ve always wondered
day 98: what would be the hardest and most fearful thing you would ever have to face in your lifetime
day 99: do you think it’s better to have a few close best friends or to have a lot of acquaintances
day 100: what is the best thing about being your age
day 101: would you like to travel abroad to learn about new things throughout the world
day 102: life lessons you’ve learned throughout life
day 103: do you believe in love at first sight
day 104: three words you cant go a day without using
day 105: describe your favorite place in the world
day 106: someone you judged by the first impression
day 107: the friendliest personn you knew for only one day
day 108: is it easier to forgive or forget
day 109: if you were a super hero, what kind of powers would you have
day 110: something that makes you happy
day 111: do you wish upon 11:11 even if it may not come true
day 112: what is the most important part in a relationship, do you think
day 113: do you believe that if you want something enough you’ll get it
day 114: do you like when people are protective over you
day 115: is it possible to be single and happy
day 116: one guy who means a lot to you
day 117: if you were to get a tattoo, what would it look like
day 118: what people in your life inspire you the most
day 119: something you hope you never have to do
day 120: what is your zodiac sign and what do you think it means
day 121: what do you think about stereotypes
day 122: which activities make you lose track of time
day 123: do you believe teenagers can fall in love
day 124: have you ever had feelings for someone who was seeing someone else
day 125: have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy
day 126: have you ever been betrayed by someone you trusted
day 127: do you believe in second chances
day 128: what is your life’s purpose
day 129: favorite month of the year and why
day 130: if you were deserted on an island, what would you bring 
day 131: what do you worry about
day 132: do you believe ex’s can be friends
day 133: if you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret, what would you do
day 134: do you have a reason to smile right now
day 135: is change a good thing
day 136: if you were 12 and looked at yourself in the future, would you be happy
day 137: one of your wildest dreams
day 138: one of the nicest things anyone has said to you
day 139: something you can’t wait for
day 140: how do you feel about people disrespecting their parents
day 141: someone who fascinates you
day 142: how have you changed in the past 2 years
day 143: how important you think education is
day 144: are you planning on having children one day
day 145: is it easy to trust others
day 146: is there someone that makes you happy everytime you see them
day 147: what do you think about ignorant people
day 148: do you think more about the past, present, or future
day 149: would you rather love one person or have many short relationships
day 150: how is your heart lately
day 151: would you move to a different country to be with the one you love
day 152: what is one step of action you would take to change the world
day 153: do you think the hardest thing is sometimes the easiest thing
day 154: a moment you felt most satisfied in your life
day 155: what is one achievement you are proud of
day 156: what is a tv show you enjoy the most
day 157: do you like to give or receive
day 158: would you give up all of your presents one christmas time to help others from other countries
day 159: what is one thing you love about photography
day 160: do you go by live, laugh, love
day 161: why is it so much easier being a child, than an adult
day 162: highs and lows of this month
day 163: where is one place you would love to visit
day 164: one thing many people don’t know about you
day 165: favorite type of music
day 166: have you ever had a teacher that changed your life
day 167: funniest movie you have ever seen
day 168: how do you feel about cyber bullying
day 169: what is your life motto
day 170: what is something you notice throughout high school
day 171: one famous guy you would marry in an instance
day 172: what kind of person attracts you
day 173: is there something you laugh at everytime it happens
day 174: how do you think you’re going to act like in 10 years
day 175: songs you listen to when you’re happy
day 176: do you enjoy cooking
day 177: something you’re proud of in the past few days
day 178: a goal you have this weekday 
day 179: how do you feel about discrimination
day 180: what is the most inspiring book you have read181: how did you spend your last birthday?
day 182. why do you think people are so addicted to facebook/tumblr?
day 183: you are told you have one week left to live, how do you spend it?
day 184: when you think of your best friend, what is your first memory? how did you meet them, explain him/her.
day 185: where will you be in ten years?
day 186: have you ever made a time capsule? If yes, with who, do you remember what you put inside? If not, what would you put inside if you had to put something in right now?
day 187: post a picture of yourself, taken today, and five random facts about yourself.
day 188: what are you always carrying around with you?
day 189: list everything you like about yourself, and explain why. What makes you unique?
day 190: put your ipod or mp3 player on shuffle and list the first ten songs/artists. How did you find the music?
day 191: are you excited for anything right now?
day 192: summer or winter? why?
day 193: what are you doing for the next big holiday. (i.e. Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, Easter, Passover..)
day 194: what did you do today?
day 195: have you ever had braces/will you ever need braces?
day 196: what is one thing you regret doing?
day 197: do you have a set out path for your future yet?
day 198: a picture taken over ten years ago
day 199: what is the last book you read, why did you read it?
day 200: whatever suits your fancy.( a picture, random facts, what you did today, your plans for tomorrow)
day 201: what are your plans for tomorrow.
day 202: what did you do last saturday?
day 203: what is the last thing you had to save your money for?
day 204: do you have a job, if so, where?
day 205: do you believe in love at first sight? why or why not?
day 206: what’s your favorite band?
day 207: have you ever cried in a movie? which?
day 208: tell us about your family.
day 209: what do you remember most about last winter?
day 210: in a nutshell, what is your daily routine?
day 211: a picture of you and your best friend
day 212: one person you know you can trust?
day 213: the person closest to your heart.. how do you know them?
day 214: what are your feelings on gay marriage?
day 215: a letter to your crush
day 216: list of some of your favorite tumblrs
day 217: a letter to someone who you used to be close to
day 218 : a letter to someone you judged by first impression
day 219: a talent you have
day 220:a picture that makes you smile
day 221:a photography picture taken by you. (credit it!)
day 222: what are you craving right now?
day 223: bad habits of yours.
day 224: a letter to your eight year old self.
day 225: what is the most inspirational thing you have ever heard
day 226: next present holiday wish list
day 227: a letter to the reflection in the mirror
day 228: list ten people you would die for
day 229:write a letter to the person you’re closest to
day 230: what is your favorite memory from before the school age.
day 231: what were your thoughts enter pre-school, kindergarten, middle school, and high school
day 232: how was your last year in school? which grade level was it?
day 232: list the movies you’ll never get sick of watching
day 233: what is the most quotable movie.. list a few of your favorite quotes?
day 234: favorite song as a ten year old?
day 235: if your six year old self looked at you now, what would their reaction be?
day 236: what was your most memorable summer
day 237: who from full house do you relate to most?
day 238: who/what can’t you live without?
day 239: have you changed in the past 200 days?
day 240: what does your name mean according to urban dictionary? were you named after anyone in your family, or does your name mean something special to your parents?
day 241: what name would your parents have named you if you were the opposite sex? did they have a list of names for you?
day 242: 10 most significant events in your life
day 243: what is the last thing you baked?
day 244: a picture taken recently
day 245: what is the compliment you get most, what is the compliment you give most?
day 246: who are you?
day 247: your opinion on drinking/drugs
day 248: who do you text most
day 249: if you died tomorrow.. would you want to tell anyone anything?
day 250: write a short love story
day 251: what inspires you to write?
day 252: list five things that make you happy
day 253: list five things that make you sad
day 254: list your five favorite foods
day 255: list your five favorite drinks
day 256: list five things you want to say to ten different people at this moment
day 257: list five good things about your life
day 258: list five bad things about your life
day 259: list your family members and how they help you daily
day 260: list your five favorite songs
day 261: list what you did/plan to do today
day 262: list your favorite stores
day 263: list how you did your make up today
day 264: how are you wearing your hair
day 265: post a picture of your outfit, or explain it
day 266: an old song you still like
day 267: when you’ve had a terrible day, how do you deal with it?
day 268: an overused saying?
day 269:how are you similar to and different from the majority of Tumblr users?
day 270: what would your dream house/apartment/castle/tree house/loft/bungalow/etc. look like?
day 271: who makes your happier than anyone else?
day 272: what was the worst thing to happen to you in middle school?
day 273: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
day 274: six things you love
day 275: five songs you like.
day 276: four things you wish you could say, but might never.
day 277: three things you miss
day 278: two things you want.
day 279: one story of a memory you have.
day 280: what was the last movie you watched, write about it
day 281: someone you would switch lives with for a day and why
day 282: if you were stranded on an Island, who would be with you and which limited 10 items would you two have?
day 283: describe your perfect date
day 284: write the differences between you and your best friend
day 285: what got you into this challenge?
day 286: a picture of what you wore today
day 287: a silly picture of you/ you & your friends
day 288: last post you made on Tumblr that doesn’t involve a challenge?
day 289: write a letter to your followers
day 290: a video you would usually watch on Youtube
day 291: what did you eat today?
day 292: recommend a few Tumblr’s and write why you recommended them.
day 293: when you look outside step outside your front door of the house, what do you see? 
day 294: something that inspires you
day 295: things you’re looking forward to next week -month
day 296: create a collage of your pictures you take in 1 day and post them up.
day 297: when did you start wearing makeup?
day 298: do you like to dress up or dress down for school
day 299: who’s on the left of your locker who’s on the right? do you like them?
day 300: your celebrity crush
day 301: who is your favorite actor/actress and why?
day 302: post a picture of your makeup from today!
day 303: last time you were sick, what did you have?
day 304: What is your favorite kind of soup?
day 305: which grade was your favorite? why?
day 306: what are the most distinct memories from preschool age and younger?
day 307: what are the memories you have when you think of kindergarten?
day 308: what are the memories you have from first grade?
day 309: what are the memories you have from second grade?
day 340: what are the memories you have from third grade?
day 341: what are the memories you have from forth grade?
day 342: what are the memories you have from fifth grade?
day 343: the last person you texted— how do you know them?
day 344: post a picture of yourself today
day 345: write a letter to your best friend
day 346: what are your favorite type of shoes? why?
day 347: are you getting bored of this challenge?
day 348: what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately?
day 349: what’s the way to win your heart?
day 350: do you have any hard, life-changing choices to make, anytime soon?
day 351: are you addicted to facebook?
day 352: do you know anyone with an outie belly button? who?
day 353: what quote do you live by?
day 354: last time you cried, why was it?
day 355: honestly, do you know all the words to your countries national anthem?
day 356: what is your dream job?
day 357: as a kid did you want to be a ninja turtle and/or power ranger? which color?
day 358: are you as addicted to tumblr as you were a year ago?
day 359: describe what you normally do on a weekly basis. A little bit about your social life outside of the internet.
day 360: a picture of what you wore today
day 361: If you won the lottery, honestly, how would you spend the money?
day 362: what is the biggest lie you’ve ever told. why’d you tell it?
day 363: do you know what your first post on tumblr was?
day 364: have you changed much in the past year?
day 365: look back to your first post of this challenge, asking ‘Post a picture of yourself and tell us your hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days’ did you achieve any of these goals? And post a picture.

I saw this 365 day challenge from kuya matabangutak while browsing his previous posts. I’m his secret reader and well browsing through it, I figured why not, right? It’s the first challenge that caught my eye. 

Dear Santa Claus, today, my teacher told me to write a letter to you. She told me that if I wished hard enough, that you would grant me my wish, no matter how impossible it was. As any other kid would do, I started writing. Halfway through, I asked my teacher, “What is the address of Santa Claus?” 

"Put it in your parents’ bedroom," she smiled at me and tucked a loose strand in my right ear.

"If I did that, they would read it." I pouted.

"If you did that, I’m sure it will be given on Christmas. They are, of course, your Santa Claus. It is the whole rationale of this thing." She smiled at me with her two front teeth slightly twitched to the wrong side. I hated that smile— it mocked my own.

After that, I refused to write. My teacher was furious. She told me that at an early age, I was growing backwards. So I got my pen, my paper and I started writing this. My teacher didn’t understand. My Santa Claus was dead and putting my wish into print will only make it seem more real— in a way that I may not be able to take. After all, all I wanted for Christmas is to have Christmas with my dead parents. If everything was possible, could this possibly happen?

My mom was a writer. She always told me that messages were better written than typed. That’s why she and my aunt communicated through snail mail even if she was two blocks away. I remember my dad getting her a bunch of scented papers and envelopes for her birthday. It delighted her more than the time my father surprised her with flowers and gold. I wanted to be just like her.

I remember offering to get the mail back then, only to slip a mail into my pocket to empty its contents and steal the envelope but through the years, my collection has faded away. Today, I used the only envelope left from my stack, the one which had red and blue stripes on the front and came occasionally on the mail when my parents still lived.  Now, my happiness came rare. And if it did, it only came in bundles of two. And they weren’t letters. They were electric bills, which only saddened me more. 

I didn’t know where to put this letter after I licked my envelope shut. I would have left it in their bedroom, pretended they said no then proceed with my life of routines — school, home, market, school, home. That way, it would have been more comforting to think that they rejected my wish than to think they didn’t read it at all. I would have done that, but it is inexistent. After they died together in a car accident, they left a big amount of money in my honor. A big amount of debt money. My aunt became my legal guardian and since she was not well-off herself, she had to take me to the swing to tell me she had to sell the house. At that time, I was still waiting for my parents to go home.

It was only when the house was sold, bought, burned and transformed into a two- acres farm that I realized my parents weren’t going to come back. They didn’t have to tell me. I could tell from the looks my aunt gave me whenever we passed the  lot where the house used to be and how she would always tell me that they will always be there even though they weren’t.

I decided to leave this in the library. First and foremost, because this was my mother’s sanctuary and have become mine as well. Of the many libraries, why did I have to choose the one far from my home when I could have put it in the library in front of my aunt’s house? Simply because this library was where my father and mother met. And together, they wrote a book here. 

It was the only book I cried on. Not to be bias or anything.

Dear Santa Claus, I want to be with my parents this Christmas. By the time this is read, it, most probably, has come true.The only way this can happen is if they revive or if I die. So dear Santa Claus, dear reader, you are reading a message from a dead person. 

As you can see, I carefully positioned this message to get the right reader. Assuming this has not been misplaced, it is exactly on the north right corner of the library, group 8, shelf 2, row 4. Or in other terms, “The tragics.”

I put it in here because I want to let you know that even though others may call my act of suicide a tragic or even cowardice, let me tell you that I am happy. And it isn’t a tragedy when it’s a happy ending.

Enclosed this envelope is the small notebook where my mother and father wrote their story. We didn’t have enough money to publish it. But I swore to myself that in one way or another, this will be shown to the world, except I can’t do that anymore from my position. So reader, I want you to take this, get a publisher, get the money from the sales, have it imprinted under your name and live a happy life just like I did. 

Now that my wish for this Christmas has come true which is to be with my parents, I’m going to make another wish even though I’m dead. For next year’s Christmas and the year after that and until the day this book has become legit, I want you to get that book published.

So do me a favor and be my Santa Claus. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas. Enjoy the holidays.

From,

Anna 

For example, you get an A plus. It comes with a wedgie from a bully. 

I built a barrier to seal my emotions, a wall that you could never break apart. But like a ninja of love, repelling down from above, you snuck your way right into my heart.-phineas. Because as human beings, the ones we can’t have, are the ones we wish for the most.