I worry a lot. I worry about what the past can do, what the present can bring and what the future could possibly hold. I worry about so many things in my life that sometimes I think I live just to worry. Now that I experienced that kind of pain I don't know anything anymore. What if I'll be the one who will bring this kind of pain to another person? Imagine having the power to make or break a person? Someone will feel like they are God while you’re asking for their mercy. You’re a slug and without any conscience they’re going to pour salt on you. They’ll watch you suffer until you dissolve. And I can't fathom that thought. It's just indescribable. Am I too late to back out now? Am I too late to undo all my mistakes in the past? Because I'm scared of the day that everything will crash and burn until i'll be forced to admit that I need help. I don't want to burden anyone and If I did I don't think they will be able to help me maybe they will try but I know it will happen because I give up on me a lot too. And I was so utterly fucking scared that I would break them the same way I probably broke myself.
On positive note, I could rebuild myself. I was determined to rebuild myself and be a better person. I would rise from the ashes and be stronger. I didn't need to be closed off, scared and untrustworthy. It will be a long journey and someday I will be able to answer that question 'who I am?' I'm constantly on a journey to work harder and better myself anyway.