Being a cry baby pisses me off. Ugh I'm so annoying. So what if my bias is already dating? He deserves to be happy and to feel inspired but I can’t even deal with everything. It cuts me deep down knowing that I cant freaking explain this to myself: what happened, how this came to be, and why. God, it’s utterly selfish of me to think of myself again. I'm selfish aren't I? It really saddens me a lot to know that he's in dating stage with someone but who I am to differ? But I know I'll soon be happy for them because everyone deserves to live their life. If they're really dating, I just wish them the best since they're actually so cute together. (I'm being serious here.) Baek dating his bias makes us all believe we'll be able to too one day and here comes the sad vibes once again. How can I date my bias if he's already dating his idol? </3 Okay, okay I need to stop. I get it. I'm his Tinkerbell but not his Wendy.
Some other time in my life I felt so humiliated. Siguro kasi ako din naman ang gumawa ng reason para mangyari ang mga ganoong bagay. I'm the one at fault. I'm getting frustrated lang because of my sensitivity. The world will revolve even if it means I won't. Minsan, even me I can't even handle it. Sobrang sensitive ko to the point na maliit na bagay lang iniiyakan ko na. Well, I'm just a human after all.
I'm the one to blame. Yes, ako ang may problema. I'm such a weakling when it comes to temptations and slacking around. I learned that the hard way. Kaya ko naman eh ang problema lang ayoko. That's the problem. I'm weak. I'm not that good enough. I'm not that strong to stand up with my words and actions. I'm not mature enough to handle such problems but I have no choice. Ginusto ko 'to eh and I need to face the unknown na. It's happening and I'm scared and fcked up and have no clue for what will happen tomorrow, the next day and to the other day or next month or even next year. I'll probably facing a lot of disappointments and pains but I know God will never leave me. Even though I'm having this fear, my dreams are far greater than my fears. God's purpose in my life will reveal soon and I just have to brace myself. I'm still hoping for the better though.